He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize