Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
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You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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