shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize