Quick, to the slutcave!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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