I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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