neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
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Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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