I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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