got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver just had a heart attack.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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