Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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