Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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