Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize