My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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