i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
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Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
false alarm, still single
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