If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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