Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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