I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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