and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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