hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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