just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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