College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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