i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize