Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
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What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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