actually, I'm a sock model
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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