i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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