I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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