so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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