Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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