You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize