***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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