Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize