I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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