just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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