I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
