bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
