My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
