he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
