He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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