I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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