Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
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There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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