oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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