I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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