Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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