I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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