he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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