Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I need moral support for this bender
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize