just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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