I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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