I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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