I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
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You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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