Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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