she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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