Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
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He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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