3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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