I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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