every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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